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Contents

1. Developing House Rules 
2. Cuddles 
3. Bathing 
4. Bedtime Stories 
5. Nudity 
6. Wrestling and Tickling Games 
7. Intimate Care of a Child or Young Person with a Disability 
8. Going into Other Children’s Bedrooms 
9. Driving Alone with a Child or Young Person 
10. Sons and Daughters as “Babysitters”

1. Developing House Rules

Although we can never know who is a ‘safe’ carer, these suggestions should make potentially risky situations less risky. They are not only about keeping children and young people safe from abuse, but also about being sensitive to the perceptions of children and young people. They are also aimed at minimising the risk of allegations. When fostering, clear house rules are an important way of helping children and young people to be aware of safety and how to protect themselves.  The guidelines are just that and should not be applied inflexibly. They should be discussed and negotiated with carers and their families to suit the needs of children placed as well as the foster carers and their family. 

The areas below are not exhaustive and are simply suggestions within areas that need to be covered. Patterns of behaviour may change over time to accommodate changing circumstances.

2. Cuddles

Cuddles do not have to be in bed. You can sit in a living room on cushions on the floor or on the sofa.

3. Bathing

Bathing can be done with a woman present, or with older female children. If possible male carers should never bath a child alone. Although abuse by women does exist, it is still statistically less likely than abuse by men. A child or young person who has been abused by a man will feel safer with a woman.

4. Bedtime Stories

Bedtime stories can be read in a quiet corner of a sitting room. Warm drinks, slippers and dressing gowns can become comfort objects. If a child or a young person has been abused and a bedtime story was a precursor to abuse, they may think, if a bedtime story is suggested, ‘here we go again’ and make an allegation in order to get moved before it happens.

5. Nudity

Adults and children can walk about with no clothes on behind closed doors only, e.g., bathroom or their bedroom. There is no ‘safe’ way out of this.

6. Wrestling and Tickling Games

Other ways of working off energy should be thought of. Dancing, push-ups, exercise that can be done together but does not involve touching may be more appropriate.

7. Intimate Care of a Child or Young Person with a Disability

Where possible, two carers to be involved in any intimate care. Always encourage self-help skills.

8. Going into Other Children’s Bedrooms

Have set times when this is allowed, but not otherwise. Encourage playing out of bedrooms.

9. Driving Alone with a Child or Young Person

If possible avoid male carers being alone with a fostered child in a car. Have someone else there – another child, preferably female. Trips out can be made by public transport.

10. Sons and Daughters as “Babysitters”

No young person – male or female – should be left in a position where an allegation could be made against them. Any ‘minor’ should always have an older person there too as a safety back-up both for them and for the child or young person who is being ‘babysat’.

Please refer to Fostering Networks “Fostering a child who has been sexually abused”, the Skills to Foster Workbook Safer Caring section and the Fostering Network Safer careering practical guide for more detailed information. 

End